MALAWI . WEIRD OCCURRENCES

Mood status: Beached as

Location: Chitimba Beach, Malawi

Yet another “beachfront” camping site on Lake Malawi for a slice of technology-free heaven, except of course for the wretched gadgets that us white people (“mzunga”) bring in.

Last night was the first night that all of us “hit the piss” believe it or not, and we did it in unfashionable style. Each of us had to pick up a $3.50 outfit from the markets for a tour-mate whose name was picked out of a hat. Fate and a little bit of bad luck would have me looking the homosexual love child of Ronald McDonald and Noddy.

This morning was amazingly exhausting. This village walk was the best by far, mainly because we got to interact with the children at the local school, and boy were there SWARMS of them! I nearly got bowled over handing out candy to them, but all the cuts and bruises (which there are many) are overlooked because they are so damn cute. They all want to hold your hand and their smile can melt an iceberg of a heart.

The village hospital is almost inhumane. They really just have so little here, and while the images are flashed all over the big screen about poverty here in Africa, it doesn’t do reality justice. They don’t even have a qualified doctor to treat the 40,000 or so patients. Nothing is sterile. Maternity beds don’t even have mattresses on them. The expectant mothers come to the ward 2 weeks early with their cooking pots and literally wait, cook and live outside under a tree until they’re ready to give birth. And forget about any type of emergency service, complications during birth are only attentioned after a 4-hour hellish ride to the nearest “proper” hospital. People bleed out in seconds.

The village walk took us to the first witch doctor I’ve ever met in my life. I don’t even really know what to say, and excuse my French, but it was the biggest mind-fuck I’ve ever experienced. For about $1.50 you go into his hut unaccompanied, watch him do his ritual dance and then get your fortune read. I know this is completely insensitive, but the witch doctor kept doing this… what I can only describe as a creepy high-pitched shrill… during my reading and it was just fucked. So fucked. I wanted to laugh so hard but I just couldn’t.

Tomorrow we’re heading into Tanzania and ultimately through to Zanzibar, a tropical island just off the coast. But before we get there, there are a few long drives ahead which means that I’ll have to get through a library of books and listen to Labrinthe for the 12349862395^th time on my iPod as he loops around.. ugh.